Hayley Smith is deputy editor of the Warrington Guardian and mum to Finlay, aged two. The 33-year-old is 30 weeks’ pregnant and expecting her second child via caesarean section on July 14.

SOME women positively bloom through pregnancy.

Then there are women like me. A walking textbook for every pregnancy symptom you can imagine – and I don’t just mean the fatigue or needing to go to the bathroom every five minutes.

Lots of my friends loved every second of being ‘with child’ and while my first pregnancy was pretty straightforward (the 34-hour labour was an entirely different matter) I didn’t enjoy it that much, so was determined this time would be different.

The morning sickness ended that particular fantasy almost as soon as a faint pink line appeared on the testing stick.

And as many mums know, ‘morning’ sickness can be one of the biggest understatements of pregnancy.

All day and into the evening sickness is more my thing.

Thankfully it subsided in the second trimester, to be taken over by a bizarre craving for beetroot. I couldn’t get enough of the pickled variety – whole, crinkled or just plain sliced – whatever I could get my hands on.

So much so I was sending colleagues to the supermarket on their lunch breaks to get me extra supplies while I tucked into jar after jar, only stopping when a friend suggested I could end up giving birth to a purple baby.

It probably explains the heartburn, which started soon after and has got progressively worse, although I haven’t resorted to slugging down whole bottles of Gaviscon just yet.

This time I prayed for glowing skin and silky hair. Instead, I’ve encountered bleeding gums, a tired and ‘grey’ complexion (according to a well-meaning relative), swollen ankles, leg cramps and my hair falling out, not to mention the fact that I’m already more than a stone heavier than I was last time I gave birth and even more absent-minded than usual.

So much for pregnancy vitamins and sticking to a strict five-a-day fruit and veg routine.

Add to the list symphysis pubis disorder, aka pelvic girdle pain – a condition I’d never even heard of until a few months ago when I woke up one morning and discovered walking without pain was no longer something to take for granted.

And as someone who is currently awaiting surgery for a prolapsed disc in my back, I needed that diagnosis like Gordon Brown needs a holiday in Rochdale.

SPD affects about one in five pregnant women to varying degrees, from mild discomfort to more severe pain, and in my case, resulting in the need for a support belt and crutches.

Trying to climb stairs or turn over in bed at night has now become a military procedure, with every inch feeling like a mission to conquer Everest. Oh the pain.

Unfortunately for my husband, my physio has given me strict instructions to avoid vacuuming or lifting wet washing. Well if you insist… To make matters worse, two weeks ago I started itching. All over itching that wakes me up in the middle of the night and makes me feel as if I’m wearing pyjamas made of poison ivy.

No wonder dogs look so miserable when they’ve got fleas.

While mild itching in pregnancy is common, severe itching – mainly on your hands and feet – can be a sign of the liver condition obstetric cholestasis, so if you’re pregnant and suffering, contact your GP and get a blood test arranged.

Meanwhile a growth scan this week confirmed my baby is currently lying in a breech position (bottom first) and yesterday I visited my midwife only to be told she was sending off a sample to the lab as my blood pressure was low and there was sugar and protein in my water, which can apparently be an indication of gestational diabetes, a urinary tract infection or even pre-eclampsia.

On the plus side, I tested zero for carbon monoxide. So that’s something I suppose. Thankfully I seem to have escaped the onset of stretch marks and varicose veins, although with my luck it’s only a matter of time before my stomach looks like an AA road map.

And yes, I know this is all part of the miracle of life and that of course it’s all worth it in the end…but right now the end can’t come soon enough!

If you’re pregnant and have had any unusual symptoms or cravings, e-mail hayley.smith@guardiangrp.co.uk