Dear James, we found out that our 15-year-old daughter had been raped and as a result of this our relationship broke down. My partner of 16 years left me last year. We have been split up for a year now and I'm still not coming to terms with it. He moved in with a girl who he works with three months after leaving us but I still feel he still loves us.

Do you think he will ever come back? He will not even talk to me anymore and has done some really nasty things since he left which is totally out of character. He is normally such a loving person and the day before he left me he was reassuring me telling me how much he loved me but the next day we had a huge row that I had caused because I was so depressed.

I have got myself a job now and am back to the person he used to love so much. How can I prove to him that I'm better now and not the depressed wreck he walked out on? I know he is my soul mate and everyone I know thinks he is on the rebound and still loves me but I kept pushing him away and becoming more depressed and trying to deal with everything and not including him.

I know I hurt him by doing this. Do you think he will ever forgive me and come back? He's a Taurus and I'm a Pices.

Sue Aspinall

Dear Sue, when something major like a daughter or a son has been raped or murdered the parent goes through all sorts of emotions. They feel that they were there to stop this, the guilt, the pain, feeling that you go through before it had happened. You would never have thought you would have reacted the way you have.

Relationships end between parent's brothers and sister because everyone wanted to stop this but they could not. It's a seed that is planted and grows very quickly because professional help was not taken after the event for long enough or at all.

Your partner never started this relationship before your daughter's rape, but the girl that he is with was a life line away from the pain that he was going through.

You have had a breakdown and have blamed yourself for everything that is wrong. I cannot say that you will end up back together with your partner and it will be back to the same as it was always, you both have changed and now you are both different.

Don't resent him for the path he has taken, now is the time for you to rebuild your life again for your family. He will be always in your life but you and I know who is the stronger person, the driving force. Think back to a holiday by the sea where you had there is an answer for you there. Fill your daughter's life with love now and rebuild her life, by doing that you will rebuild yours.