BAYING mob. Check.

Nervous housemates. Check.

The irritating tones of Davina McCall. Check.

Yes, that's right, it's eviction night. And with the promise of tears before bedtime, it appears I am indeed sad enough to write a live Big Brother Blog on a Friday night. Don't worry, I'm working at Disability Awareness Day on Sunday, so I will get out this weekend.

9pm: "GET JEN OUT".

9.05pm: Highlights from yesterday. Luke's in the diary room. "I had quite a rough night's sleep if I'm honest, due to the fact Rebecca wet her bed..." Ha ha ha ha ha. "...when she was in the seal costume". Oh, that's not as funny. Neither is his tiresome voice.

9.10pm: Mikey and Mario want to deprive smokers of their fags to bump up the shopping budget. BB's producers should go the whole hog, ban tee and coffee as well and poke all the smokers with sharp sticks. If they want to get the first live murder on TV, that is.

9.12pm: Jen is quizzing Rex on his eviction night nerves. He isn't playing ball, and winds her up instead. Good lad.

9.17pm: Jen says she put all her eggs in one basket with Dale. After a week stringing along him and Stuart, you've got to admire that girl's audacity if nothing else.

9.20pm: Darnell has a moan about Mikey for complaining about his American dialect. I like this guy, he's not afraid to speak his mind even if it's a controversial topic and his arguments are always well-reasoned.

9.21pm: It sounds like Noel Gallagher won't be in the Darnell fan club! The Yank discusses why he thinks Jay-Z is the best rapper ever - did he catch some of Hova's Glastonbury set on the sly? Becky the moron asks if Jay-Z is white. She thought he was in the Backstreet Boys. Is she Jade Goody in disguise?

9.23pm: Mario, Lisa and Luke think Kathreya is 'dangerous' and 'cunning'. I want some of whatever they're smoking. 9.26pm: Rex and Kathreya have a heart-to-heart. Sounds like the chef is a lot more nervous than he is letting on.

9.32pm: Jen thinks Rex is entertaining and she will get evicted. That's a shame, I was hoping she would be surprised when she gets the boot. Rex rips into Dale on the sofas about Jen's possible exit: "Who are you going to talk to Dale?" Ha ha. "I've got plenty of friends in here," he replies. You're not fooling anyone mate.

9.35pm: Becky sits in jail while the others dish out the food inside. That's gotta hurt.

9.40pm: Coventry's finest appears to be losing the plot in prison. She has a whinge in the diary room, while the others make jokes about her not being able to escape through the cell bars due to her 'stature'.

9.48pm: The housemates cash in a music token and get Mmmm Bop by Hanson in return. I'd ask for a refund.

9.49pm: Rex and Jen discuss how they are the two most hated contestants in the house while everybody else has a dance. Darnell swigs his beer and looks like he'd rather be listening to 99 Problems.

9.52pm: This timed update seems a bit pointless, as we're watching highlights from 11.45pm last night. Ah well, I've started so I'll finish. Becky is chasing Luke around the house. Keep running if you value your life.

9.54pm: Jen thinks Dale has abandoned her, and Luke as well. So now she's in bed with Stuart.

9.55pm: Here we go - Davina speaks to the house. "The third person to be evicted is..." Dale hugs Jen... "Jen". Ooooooh. Silence. It's like somebody has died! A lot of housemates won't be happy about that! Let's hope the three new girls put a smile back on Dale's face in part two!