IT'S day three in the Big Bruvva ouse.
Super Mario, the Italian Stallion or Latchford Lothario as he's probably better known, has to continue his secret mission by proposing to his fake girlfriend Steph.
He can only confide in suit-wearing Wiganner Luke, who is really enjoying it all.
Luke's keen to to save his own skin by escaping eviction, after all, it's not him who has to risk the wrath of big, scary Lisa!
So Mario calls all the housemates to the pool saying that he's going to make an announcement.
Lisa abandons cleaning her teeth to hear what he's got to say.
"We've been together now nine months" says Mario, "I would like to take you in wedlock."
What? Call that a proposal?
Come on, even Sly could make a better job of it.
Romantic Steph replies "Yeah" and accepts the engagement ring as Mario takes her in his arms.
Woah, just look at the face of Lisa, she is not a happy bunny.
Big Brother announces that it is hosting the wedding on Sunday and offers its sincere congratulations to the happy couple.
Back in the diary room, a shocked Mario says he is distraught for his real girlfriend Lisa as getting spliced to him is what she has always wanted.
Sorry, but you can't help but feel Mario is rather enjoying having this young girlfriend.
His protests are not exactly convincing.
But Steph's got other ideas.
"I'm not doing," it she says. She's really disturbed at the thought of marrying a 42-year-old bloke, someone more than twice her age - never mind sleeping with the old duffer.
And we won't even mention the fact that he's trying to pass himself off as 10 years younger!
But there are suspicions - some of the other housemates think they're acting.
They don't seem to have sussed out Lisa but, not surprisingly, are not buying the whole Mario/Steph are a couple scenario.
"We're on to you BB," says resident gay menace Dennis.
They're the same as my tan, baby, fake!"
Ooooh, isn't it exciting, I can hardly wait for tomorrow...!
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