Mel O'Neill is a mum of two from Penketh who was diagnosed with breast cancer more than a decade ago.

She writes a regular column for the Warrington Guardian

When it comes to cancer, it’s fair to say everybody is different.

Whether you’re the one who has just been diagnosed or it’s someone close to you, people’s reactions and behaviour can vary from first hearing the news to managing and dealing with what lies ahead and whether they want to know their prognosis or not.

From my own experience, I can only relay my account of my thoughts and feelings and how I find the strength to keep going and functioning as normal, the best way I can.

There’s no right or wrong way to be, only what comes natural to you and feels right in doing so. So take what you will from this article, see it from a different or similar perspective and know that there is someone out there feeling exactly the same as you do right now.

Initially when I was first diagnosed as upsetting as it was to hear the words “I’m afraid you have inflammatory breast cancer”, I was relieved that someone was finally listening to me after months of being made to feel as if it was all in my mind as specialist after specialist did not know anything about IBC and told me I was fine.

I was upset to be cancelling our Disney trip, heartbroken to be letting my daughters down who were then four and five years old and sad that my only visits to a hospital in the past were for child birth and now they would be a hell of a lot more frequent.

Because many of the doctors were ignorant to IBC, I took it upon myself to do my own research. What I discovered was scary but true and that IBC goes misdiagnosed for so long that by the time it is too late, it cannot be treated and you’re going to die. A hard hitting fact that I lost an entire weekend of sleep until I was told I could be treated (but probably from a doctor who had never heard of IBC I would later learn).

So knowing I could be treated, after reading lots of scary stuff about it, I decided to make it my mission to not only do everything I could to help myself and keep healthy but to find hope from other IBC survivors (which was difficult) or any incurable cancer survivors whether they took the natural or medical route. With every positive story I found it gave me hope, even when I was classed as incurable I’d find another story on another survivor or another protocol and my living room slowly started to resemble a library as I gained strength and focus from my readings.

Looking back I received loads of well-wishing support from other breast cancer survivors but with every single one all I could think about was what I had read on the internet and that having inflammatory breast cancer wasn’t quite the same. It was the most aggressive of them all. As someone once said to me, “out of all the breast cancers’, trust you to get the worst.” I didn’t have the worst but those frightening words never left me.

As the months went by and one treatment failed after another, I’d go frantically on the hunt for another success story because I couldn’t cope with living in a fearful desperate state, convinced I was going to die soon and leave my young kids to grow up without a mum. The weight of that prospect was too heavy and suffocating to bear so I spent a fortune experimenting with my “new cures” after thorough research had proven to cure others.

The bottom line is I didn’t like feeling sad with a lack of hope for a long time as I threw myself into counselling, therapy and meditation and many alternative therapies in order to remaining upbeat.

I was also surrounded by some amazing people who knew I didn’t want to dwell on my circumstances. I bet they all wished they had a magic wand to take cancer away but as the magic wand remained in fairy stories they talked and treated me like cancer didn’t exist as I was happy to be in their company having a good time and taking a break from medical talk, hospital visits, scans and chemo.

If only for a few hours I was able to switch off from the “C” word and feel like Mel again and if truth be known, I secretly think those close to me were glad I rarely brought the mood down with my fearful thoughts or talk of cancer, which overflowed (albeit rarely) onto my husband, mum and mother in law when a treatment had failed and I feared my death was around the corner. My friends took on the role of helping me to forget I was a cancer patient and still do, showing support in other ways than talking about cancer we’d watch funny films, play music loudly, drink wine and other fun things but I always know they are there to help if I need them.

Writing this blog helps me more than anyone will ever know as it is a way of unburdening my grief while readers can relate to my ramblings and send words of encouragement and support. The immense strength I gain is invaluable and the comfort I’ve discovered, I am bringing to others keeps me writing and leading me down future paths empowering others.

It was the not knowing that was torturous but my need to find hope again when everything I was trying was failing seemed to always give me back my strength in one form or another to cope and I found the will to carry on..

Others may have thought I was burying my head in the sand and I don’t care if I was, I just know I didn’t want to be full of doom and gloom and neither did those around me who I needed to still be there to catch me if I fell.

So my advice to those going through cancer treatment right now is to know that medicine has come a long way and that many people are now living with cancer.

I am a miracle that I never take for granted and proof that miracles do happen because if it can happen to me it can happen to anyone. Change your perception and believe you can live with cancer and not everyone dies from cancer. And that it’s ok to feel sad, lost, alone or frightened but know there is someone out there feeling exactly the same and others who would give anything to whisk you away from the mental and physical pain you are going through, so let them. Let them lift your spirits and forget about cancer if only for a few hours.

Remember the impact you can have on people. Be kind, be happy and remember there is always someone somewhere going through a situation worse than yours so make the most of every day because nobody knows what’s around the corner whether good or bad. So go and shine your light on others as you never know if someone is sat on their own in the dark. Tomorrow is promised to nobody so always make the most of today.