Mel O Neill is a mum of two from Penketh who writes a regular blog for the Warrington Guardian.

This month, she talks about the rollercoaster of life.

 

As I move into my eleventh year with cancer I have so many mixed emotions.

First and for most I am still pinching myself in disbelief knowing after ten years of constant chemo and a whole year without it, I remain in a group of secondary inflammatory breast cancer patients who are classed as NEAD - No Evidence of Active Disease but I prefer to use the term No Evidence of ANY Disease because the doctors simply cannot find any as my recent scan results show.

Having had nearly eleven years of dealing with cancer and knowing what it feels like to receive bad news and blow after blow along with coping with the many side effects along the way, I feel sad for those currently dealing with it as I have once stood in their shoes. The rollercoaster ride of cancer never goes away as scanxiety hits every time my scan results are due.

I could tell you I how strong I’ve been and how I always knew I’d be ok in the end but that would be a complete lie as I spent many of the earlier years fearing for my life, grasping at straws and anything with the word ‘healing or ‘cure’ I’d buy into. Knowing now I may never be cured but I always had hope as I believed my next venture would work.

As each one failed I put my faith into another and one thing I never did was give up. Having two daughters to bring up and see them through their primary school years and then their high school and college years, I started to put my focus on them.

As an overworked, multitasking, ball juggling mum of two baby girls in nappies, running a business and having no balance in my life whatsoever, I thought I was Wonder Woman but I was far from it and I couldn’t admit to myself or anyone else that I wasn’t coping and I was drowning fast as I continued to put my daughters in nursery in order to deal with the multitude of tasks I was giving myself.

Then cancer came along with the threat of death and after a few years of numerous chemotherapy regimes failing, I finally woke up.

I saw how much my kids needed me. I saw how stupidly busy my life was. I saw how the business could run without me, I saw how much complaining I did about feeling stressed and I decided I needed to change.

Reading book after book on life, on death, about happiness, love and gratitude, I concluded that three things were about to change dramatically and this would be my solution to a more contented life.

Intention, perception and reaction…not just mine but seeing others peoples too. It really has made a huge difference to me along with loving what I do and following my passion whether it’s a hobby or you are fortunate enough to make your passion your work, go for it. It’s never too late. If you are fortunate enough you will know that is because of self-love and self-belief and that you have the right to be happy but only you can make that happen.

I have been fourteen months without any chemotherapy as there’s no cancer cells there to kill. Remaining on a three weekly anticancer drug called Herceptin which my fabulous oncologist recommends I keep having at The Christie Hospital, along with three monthly scan, with my hand on my heart, I can honestly thank The Christies for giving me a great oncologist and myself for creating my own happiness even through the toughest of times.

Take a step back once in a while and ask yourself; Am I happy? Am I content? Are my intentions all good? Try not to be judgemental when maybe all you need to do is change your perception of others or situations and do not allow others to press your buttons. How you react is crucial for a calmer, balanced and contented way of life.