IT never rains it pours.

I unburden my thoughts and feelings through blogging and I’m trying to write a blog once a month but I’ve already written two this month.

First there was the brain scan worry and then one about the menopause and here is my third one of the month as I’m shocked to the core by someone dying.

Her name was Helen and she lived on the other side of town to me but only worked down the road.

She had a partnership in a hair and beauty business (same as me) and we met because after her getting the all clear, her breast cancer reappeared and having researched so much about alternative stuff, she wanted to learn more about cannabis oil.

“Speak to Mel O’Neill” a mutual acquaintance told her and before she did he contacted me to see if it was ok. I had no hesitation in helping her and was willing to tell her all I knew about Cannabis oil and what I had learnt along the way.

So at the beginning of the year Helen got in touch with me and we chatted for hours on the phone.

I told her that cannabis oil works for some and not for others just like chemotherapy, certain diets, different tinctures and herbal remedies and healing. Everything was pot luck. Having another similarity to me, she was willing to try everything and throw everything at the cancer, medical and alternative.

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She came to my house and we discussed the pros and cons of cannabis oil and how I was often stoned and incapable of functioning properly whilst building up my tolerance to the oil in the beginning.

How I struggled with the effects whilst trying to be a mum to my two daughters, incapable of driving them to school and having to ask my lovely friend Natalie to do it for me, having to stop my dance lessons which I loved and missing many parties and get-togethers because I had taken a pin prick too much.

But once the tolerance levels were up it could work wonders and we both agreed having researched the same information.

She taught me how to boost my immune system and I invested wisely in a little machine that would make my vitamin c tincture that I still take daily.

Showing Helen how to make linseed tea and telling her of its hydration benefits she encouraged me to add my turmeric paste to further its benefits.

She was sassy, witty and ultra-trendy, having short, funky hair she unknowingly inspired me as every time she left me, I would start being more creative with my short crop which I had begun to get lazy and set in my ways with.

The last time I spoke to her on the phone was after a Christie’s appointment and my white blood count had picked up dramatically.

I was so elated I called her straight away to tell her of my good news and how I thought the vitamin c that she had introduced me to had played a massive part.

Helen then told me of how her tumour was shrinking having recently had a scan and was made up that something she was taking was having the right effect and we were both buzzing for each other and really happy.

She’d comment on my blogs and keep in touch via Facebook and text, telling me once how she never thought for a moment she would die.

Her energy and positivity lit up my life and I often wondered how I could be more like her.

The last time we spoke via Facebook she had tagged me in a positive warrior post and after responding we decided we’d meet up soon once I came home from my summer holiday.

Having a damaged brain and so much chemo has left my brain foggy and forgetful and I forgot to call Helen after giving myself too many tasks to do to keep my worrying mind busy.

It was only a few days ago, by chance, that I saw a post on Facebook that she had died a day earlier.

For a second I could swear I stopped breathing, being utterly floored by what I had just read.

I had a million questions to ask but nobody to answer them for me.

A dull ache took up residence in my chest that night as I started to think a multitude of different things.

Why am I still alive? Why? Why me? Why have I lasted for 7 ½ years?

Does anything I do really work? How can positivity get you through when she was the most positive person I knew?

Am I burying my head in the sand? How long had she been going downhill?

When did her tumour start to grow again? She instilled faith and belief in me that we would both overcome our terminal prognosis so why has she gone?

I’ve had many friends, family and acquaintances die of cancer over the last few years but none have hit me quite as hard as Helen’s death.

She helped me in more ways than one as her positivity, determination, hope, happiness, knowledge of holistic anti-cancer remedies and her trendiness rubbed off on me.

I still have her hand written note of a list of remedy ideas that she was doing every day, magnetized to my fridge.

Never before have I dedicated a whole blog to one person so she certainly made an impact on me.

I just hope she is smiling down on all that knew her and what a difference she made in people’s lives especially with her smile lighting up any room.

Helen you are gone but will never be forgotten.

Helen Taylor's family are raising money in her memory for St Rocco's. 

Click here to donate. 

Mum-of-two Melanie O'Neill has been blogging for us after being diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer seven years ago.