What does it mean to be happy? 

Are any of us ever truly happy with every aspect of our lives? 

For the last 18 months I have been searching for the best thing for me to cure cancer and granted I have learned so much along the way, all beneficial to my health but never the pinpoint to the miracle solution I’ve always believed is out there. 

I have tried everything, as you may know, from diet, detox, juices, apricot kernels, turmeric concoctions, the Budwig protocol, mental coaching, homeopathy and would you believe more, the list goes on.  I have to say apart from homeopathy, I’ve never committed to anything 100% and I even lost faith in that for a while. 

The reason for this non-fully-commitment is because deep down I’ve always known the cause of my cancer.

After an emotional trauma, the stress of everyday life just began to feel like climbing a mountain every day.  It led to a lack of confidence at work and my stress levels began to rise.  I found it hard to cope with my children, then aged 3 and 4, and family issues got the better of me all the time. 

If I only had one of these things to deal with I would probably have coped better but as the day to day issues overtook my life my coping strategies melted away and I found solace in a bottle of red wine (which I have since learned how dehydration creates stress and stress creates dehydration).  So like a hamster on a wheel it was a vicious circle and if I had known then what I know now I would have most certainly took stock of my life and made changes back then before the inevitable happened. 

My mind and body was screaming for attention to stop and look after myself, take stock of my life and realise what life is all about and the only way to get my attention was with breast cancer, the closest place to my heart which I wasn’t listening to and certainly wasn’t following my life by.  My demons lived in my mind and took over my life, constantly worrying about future issues, that hadn’t even happened yet.

So by removing the cause I can cure the illness, right? 

I took a long hard look at what I was doing and decided I wasn’t going to give up but I was going to let go of all the control and coping mechanisms I had chosen out of fear and not because they were right for me and I chose to live my life by what makes me happy. 

Because I believe love and happiness are what life is all about and without them life is pretty pointless. But for anyone else going through the same thing it was the biggest hurdle I had to get over and I still battle with the ‘letting go’ today.  Because no matter how hard I tried to live in the moment I began to feel worse and then demons began to creep back in. 

So with a little (sorry huge) help from my homeopath, whom I contacted explaining the huge black whole I felt myself falling into again, I explained how I had lost hope in her little white tablets.  She convinced me to go and see her and let’s just say I will never doubt the ability of homeopathy again.

Aconite shifted my deep routed fear and each day after my visit I began to crawl out of that hole.  The tears stopped, the anguish drifted away and my smile came back.  Now with all the tools I had learned over past few weeks and with the help of my psychotherapist at the Sanctuary, I was mentally able to put them into practise focusing on the present moment and doing things I enjoy. 

Taking the focus off cancer I began to feel incredible by realising how healthy I feel every day and even though my chemo first left me quite poorly I now have barely any side effects and my energy levels have gone through the roof.

I now have the ability to visualise a brighter future whilst living in the moment.  No one knows what’s around the corner, certainly not me, but I refuse to worry about that anymore. Instead I focus on what’s good in my life and surround myself with people who believe in what I believe in and support me on my path to wellness. 

Who knows the cancer may never go but I believe it can go given the right tools and as long as I’m living a life being true to myself, filled with love and happiness then I am living a life fulfilled. 

I live by the theory that “what will be, will be” and believe that someone up there is guiding me along a path designed just for me.   I was put on this earth for a reason (not quite sure what that is yet) and one day I will be taken away for a reason but right now I have more than enough reasons to live and I intend to do just that.