Mel O'Neill, from Penketh, writes a monthly blog with the Warrington Guardian on living with breast cancer

After rereading my depressing last blog back in October I realise how much my mental health and thoughts suffer through tiredness which is one of the main side effects of this intense, weekly chemo I am currently on.

Having taken a five-week break, I feel incredibly well and what seems a million miles away from how I was feeling before.

Gone are my ulcers effecting my tongue along with a reduction in arm swelling and my energy is on the increase so when returning to the hospital to restart the chemo last Friday, I admittedly felt anxious that the side effects would reappear all over again.

Having to think about wrapping presents along with putting Christmas decorations up on top of my usual household chores leaves me feeling exhausted before I even attempt to make a start.

Knowing how I felt after a three-day stint of decorating our hair salon and then cleaning it thoroughly to minimise the sparkles left everywhere ready for reopening the doors next week left me utterly exhausted so I'll face it as and when I feel up to it.

It was disappointing to learn I couldn't have my chemo last Friday as my bilirubin levels were too high and I asked myself how this could be after a five-week break from chemo?

If anything my blood test results should have been in top condition and even though everything thing else I am tested for was in a normal range and tip top, my bilirubin was too high to continue with the treatment.

The nurse in the private ward where I have my Herceptin, mentioned this at 1pm when my results were back giving me the go ahead for the anti-cancer drug but warned me this might not be the case for chemo.

I patiently waited until 6pm to be called up to the chemo lounge only to be told it wasn’t going ahead. Needless to say I came home and polished off a bottle of red wine after discovering my cannula in my port had been left in and that I would have to return the following day to have it removed.

So last Friday night I was extremely frustrated that my day had been wasted sat in a hospital waiting room for more than 4 hours.

But the next day I woke feeling that everything happens for a reason and I get another week of no ulcer pain and energy which I am more than happy with at the time of year.

Last Christmas I was so happy having the dinner cooked for me by our lovely family members who live locally however I still missed out on the after-dinner activities, sleeping for hours afterwards on their couch.

We decided to return the favour along with other family members this year and I fear my energy levels will not last the day again. After Boris's announcement it became official and although I would personally put Christmas on hold on December 25 and celebrate it on any other safer day in the year but I do question how I am going to be feeling on any day in the future and will chemo still be holding the cancer at bay or will it have spread?

I don’t think about stuff like this that often but it’s at this time of year that these questions always seem to creep up.

Once upon a time I'd become tearful and sad of the unknown but now I am learning to make the most of each day, taking things a day at a time being grateful for each day that I have as nobody knows what lies ahead.

The uncertainty of 2020 is exactly how I’ve been feeling since January 2011 about inflammatory breast cancer and I'm doing all I can to stay as healthy as possible with a healthy diet, vitamin c remedy and Zinzino oil helping my cells become healthier plus now trying to stay as safe as possible from Covid.

One thing that I have learnt how to do over the years is be kind to myself, learning from any bad experiences and enjoying all the good ones in abundance.

Music makes my heart sing. Now I’m off to have a glass of Baileys whilst listening to Destiny's Child's 8 Days of Christmas and wrapping my presents putting me well and truly in the Christmas spirit.

Mel is currently fundraising for Herceptin, a drug which has given her dramatic results.

The NHS won't fund it anymore as she has had it more than twice.  It costs £1,178 every three weeks.

A go fund me page has been set up. For more details click here