OUR blogger Melanie O'Neill has two children and was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer nine years ago.

Here she shares her latest thoughts on living with cancer.

Saturday night I booked The Botanist in Warrington town centre for Lois, my daughter and her friend to go for a meal for her 15th birthday at 6.30pm. 

After her plans altered I was surprised when after I offered to go instead, her face lit up as she thought it was a great idea to be going out alone with just her mum.

It was nice to have her all to myself but that day I woke up feeling dreadful.  I called at O’Neil’s salon to have my nails painted and what little eyebrows I had left, I had them tinted to look like I had more.  During my visit Nic, my Shellac expert and also coincidentally, my best friend asked me what was wrong as the hour passed and I struggled to make conversation. 

I was exhausted!  The last thing I wanted was to be there or to be going out that night.  My couch was calling me as I headed home to slob out on my sofa for the afternoon.  Falling in and out of sleep and before I knew it the bells of the local church struck 5pm.

Dragging myself off the couch, struggling to find the energy to get upstairs and freshen up, it took me a while to come round but as the time passed I started to wake up.

After parking nearby we ventured into the restaurant for the first time and memories came flooding back as the place reminded me so much of The Animal Kingdom hotel in Disney where we went five years ago. 

We were seated as the live entertainment began.  The music reminded of me of when I was 15 as we sat and ate our meal chatting intermittently with total unashamed honesty.  Lois and I connected as we shared our secrets laughing and joking about our stories.

A lump entered my throat as I looked at her beauty wondering if I’d see her 16th birthday.  After gulping down my water to rid me of the emotion locked in my throat I dismissed it quickly not wanting to cry and ruin the moment I asked her a question.

“When I was growing up I always wanted to perform and I regret I was never given singing or dancing lessons hence the reason I sent you to dance school at the age of four,  Is there anything you wish I’d have done differently  that one day you will tell your children that you wish your mum had done differently?"

How I didn’t ball my eyes out at her reply, I’ll never know.

“Mum” she said tilting her head softly “ I couldn’t ask for a better upbringing.  I wouldn’t change a thing.  You are my hero.”

Taking a huge deep breath, I was speechless with overwhelming pride, pride for myself and Carl and pride at how she was growing up into an amazing human being.

I drove home then we laughed at Goggle-box pretending we were on the comedic show once we were home and changed into our comfy PJs sprawled across the couch.

Finishing the night tucked in Lois’s double bed watching James Corden's Carpool Karaoke, I was so glad I had pulled myself together to have such a special night with one of my daughters that I will remember forever.

After having a nasty eye infection, visiting Manchester’s eye hospital in the accident and emergency section, being referred to Warrington hospital to have my vision thoroughly checked out and having my chemo stopped for a week due to my eyes, I was extremely grateful that I was transported out of that life into a life of laughter, music, great food and topping it off with great company where cancer never came up nor did hospitals only mother and daughter talk, trusting and confiding in each other.

After learning a friend’s mum had cancer only days before, sitting unknowingly nearby, I heard her name being called out by a nurse as she was whisked behind two double doors so I never saw her again as shortly after my name appeared on the screen.  It was my time to have my chemo.  How long had she been sat there?  I was engrossed in a book sat waiting alone for almost three hours as no one is allowed to accompany anyone anymore due to Covid-19.

I knew very little about her story but we could have chatted, socially distanced, but I could have comforted and given her my support as she too was alone.

I’m on a mission now to get in contact with her and hopefully I can ease the mental torture that comes with cancer if only a little.

My life goes on with cancer in tow, along with hospital visits, side effects of losing all my hair, my swollen arm, sore deteriorating eyes and sleepless nights. 

Warrington Guardian:

Some of the effects

Confirmation from Lois that I am doing a great job of being a mum, I feel happy and content as I grab onto the good times balancing with the tiredness and low times.

The good times I cherish and keep them close to my heart pushing away the thoughts of dying, I am now learning to begrudgingly accept my girls growing up and becoming independent young women instead of becoming upset that my memory loss means I can no longer remember them as toddlers.

Yes I know that’s a sad thought but we captured so much on videos that I intend to watch one day but for now I am embracing living in the moment and taking things a day at a time.

Happy Birthday Lois.  I love you more than you will ever know.

Mel is currently fundraising for Herceptin, a drug which has given her dramatic results.

The NHS won't fund it anymore as she has had it more than twice.  It costs £1,178 every three weeks.

A go fund me page has been set up. For more details click here