OUR blogger Melanie O'Neill has two children and was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer more than nine years ago.

Here she shares her latest thoughts on living with cancer.

Every time I’m about to start a new treatment I always seem to shift into an anxiety mode. I can’t explain why this overwhelming fear comes l but I can’t seem to stop my heart from beating out of my chest when worrying that this may be my last treatment as my body may not respond to the medication.

Wine comforts me but has a massive effect on my sleep and as this is affected anyway it doesn’t need a helping hand from alcohol consumption to increase my sleep deprivation. With over nine years of cancer I am tired.

I am tired of the chemo, the hospital visit, and the appointments for the medication to combat medication symptoms. I’m tired of being tired. My arm feels like somebody else’s. I always say in my blogs that I want to feel normal but what is normal anyway?

I just want to feel better than I do because I feel so mentally & physically drained and I think that’s where the fear kicks in because I know I will only mentally improve if the swelling of my arm decreases and my skin metastases start to disappear. It’s then that I will know the treatment is working and I have been bought more time.

And it is working. After the first dose I could visibly see an improvement so my emotions took an about turned and the fear simply melted away.

Having just read an article on Placlitaxol (my chemo) the majority going over my head as far too medically advanced written for my small brain, but what I did read was what an excellent anti-cancer drug this was.

To say I’m hoping for a miracle is a small understatement but one I wish for every day (but doesn’t everybody with cancer?) I vision a chemo that will kill off every cancer cell in my body and leave me with no evidence of the disease. I am taking vitamins and supplements to keep my body well and healthy and feeling better whilst still combating any tiredness or aches and pains leftover from the medication symptoms.

I envisage writing a book & continuing to blog and Vlog and helping others. I envisaged myself stood at the front of a room with many people watching, giving talks on the long and tiresome journey I’ve had but how I’ve kept going, how I faltered more times than anyone could ever imagine and how many times I thought that my end was only round the corner. How my heart ached at the thought of leaving my family behind and my kids to grow up without me but I never once thought of giving up or giving in.

My will to enjoy life has always been paramount. My intention is to smash the hell out of this cancer showing the cancer that I can turn my life around and fall in love all over again with everything life has to offer.

And so today I turn another page, another corner as three treatments later I can see a huge difference in my skin and the reduction in the swelling of my arm.

I feared something that actually never happened. In fact the opposite did. And with all your love & support I am increasingly optimistic regarding my future.

I brush my hair daily expecting a day where I will lower the brush onto my dressing table and see a mass of my hair. But that day hasn’t arrived yet but it has started to come out a little at a time. Sitting in the chemo lounge having my treatment facing many other women having the same treatment as me with bald heads, I know I’ll be joining them with my bald head soon.

Warrington Guardian: Mel O'Neill with her two daughters

Having regular naps, I have dealt with my tiredness along the way the best way I can but never before have I encountered the feeling of fatigue that comes over me in a matter of minutes and hits me like a ton of bricks where I can barely stand or speak. A minor side-effect of the drug Taxol that I am learning to happily live with as I know this chemo is killing off the cancer cells remaining in my body.

At this point in my journey I feel very lucky to have been given the option to have this treatment which is keeping me alive giving me more time with my precious family. I am grateful beyond words for the money raised and I can’t expect to live side-effect free after all the chemo I’ve had over the years is taking its toll.

It seems a small price to pay when the results are priceless. I feel like a lottery winner every day I get to open my eyes and breathe.