THE GoFundMe page has been increasing slowly after it propelled to £3000 in just two days.

My lovely friend Maureen asked if she could set up the page to help fund my treatment and I agreed weeks later but was wary in the beginning.

I hate asking for money and apart from my blogging and vlogging I don’t feel like I’m earning it.

Some of my dearest friends have wanted to give me the money from their trade; like Sandra my reflexologist offering to do my reflexology for free so I can put the money in an envelope and use it towards the treatment and there’s Lynsey my meditation teacher and friend who has donated the money from her meditation class plus people in the class wanted to donate extra.

I feel very overwhelmed by people’s kindness and support.

I broke down in tears when my friend Jo mentioned to me that she’s donated and shared the link then gave me a big hug as I sobbed on her shoulder.

I was crying thankful tears but there was also tears of sadness there - realising that I had finally come to my final choice of treatment and I am doing everything I can to stay alive.

It is a scary thought so I am trying to live in the present moment and not think too far ahead.

Can you help with 'Acts of kindness' suggestions?

My daughter came up with a great idea that at every milestone that the donations reached £1000, £2000 etc. I could do an act of kindness.

I love this idea but will need some ideas that are ‘acts of kindness’.

I’m sure St Rocco’s can help me with suggestions and any you may have I’d welcome.

The page has raised over £4000 at this moment so I will need 4 suggestions.

My chemo treatment

So in the midst of this, I will be starting on a chemotherapy that is quite old but one I have never had before Friday.

I will drive to The Christie and have my bloods taken along with an appointment to see a doctor who is managing my pain.

Then I will return on Saturday at 2.30pm to have the chemotherapy intravenously.

The pain is manageable at the moment. It's just frustrating that my arm is so swelled I’m unable to use it much at all now but my fingers can move so I am able to type this blog.

My skin is so itchy with the black lumps are all over my forearm forming scabs on my back and shoulder which bleed constantly especially when I give in to the itchiness and scratch like hell.

A vlog I recently did showing my shoulder and arm was quite hard for me to do as I felt exposed as I always keep the ugliness hidden but I did it so I people could see the before and after once the treatment starts to work (and fingers crossed it will work.)

I forgot to mention also that this is what Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC) looks like after 9 years being trapped in the lymphatic vessels of the skin.

It is not skin cancer, nor is it treated as skin cancer.

It is IBC and as I’m running out of options I have a constant question mark left hanging over me where time is concern.

I become tearful as to whether I can book to go on holiday as my fear rises at my risk of infection now I have open scabs and Lymphedema.

Booking somewhere in this country is my only option but the English weather cannot be guaranteed but at least I get to take Stanley with me (dog) on the brighter side...

The side effects

I’m not thinking about the side effects until they happen.

Keeping my fingers crossed that I won’t suffer from nausea or diarrhoea.

I have a sinking feeling my hair will thin even more than it has done already or I may even lose it.

It seems like vanity has become more important to me as I’ve gotten older, probably because it takes me so much longer to look half decent in a morning so without my hair or having very little of it left I dread my appearance and can see myself investing in a short cropped blonde wig.

Maybe because I’ve lived in the cancer world for so long I can spot a wig a mile off and that’s not the look I want.

Unlike when I first lost all my hair in the beginning, I hung on to the hope that I was going through this to make myself better.

And I continued with that mantra for years and even still today, that one day something will work and I will get better even though I’ve been told that I won’t get better and that everything now is for palliative care keeping me alive that bit longer.

I know that if I lose that belief I will crumble. So be it true or false, I don’t want to crumble. I have to have hope.

So a cloud lingers over me that the chemo I’ll be given may or may not work against the cancer but will be poisoning my body and killing off what good cells I have left in the hope that it does allow me to live longer but with no cure.

My arm is so swollen and inflamed the chemo can’t come soon enough with every ounce of my being praying it will kill off the cancer blocking the vessels in my arm and therefore deflating and killing the pain and itching in my skin.

The future

I know I should count my blessings that I’ve come so far but I want more.

I want my life to live on watching my kids turn into adults and watching them follow their passions.

I want to see Stanley grow as I know he will pine like mad should I disappear as he follows me everywhere, only obeying my commands and sitting at the front door waiting for me every time I leave the house.

I have so much I want to live for and I want to continue to give something back.

So while I can and I’m still able, I will with the help of your suggestions.

I need to get busy living not get busy dying!

I have cancer, cancer doesn’t have me

You can follow Mel on Instagram by clicking here or searching for sassy_ibcer

And you can donate to Mel's Go Fund Me page by clicking here