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Dare I say those 3 words?
8:57pm Thursday 5th April 2012 in Melanie O'Neill
Apart from Herceptin, (a drug I take intravenously at Wigan hospital every 3 weeks until July) I am now coming to terms with my new found freedom. No more hospital appointments, check-ups, scans, chemo, radio, surgery…all over. It’s a strange feeling because I’ve kept so busy doing other things which I’ve listed below, my life still feels like it’s on fast forward, doing everything at 100 miles an hour with not enough hours in the day. (I bet most of you know that feeling) My calendar looks like the kids have scribbled all over it but that’s just me squeezing everything I possibly can into every spare minute of the day.
Here is a list of the things I feel has kept me going through the past 12 months; Homeopathy with Mandy Hall, The Healing Codes with Jack Stewart, Nutrition advice from Lesley Pearce, Psychotherapy from The Sanctuary of Healing, Rife Therapy from The Sanctuary of Healing, Bodytalk from Sarah Barria-norton, Reiki from Chris Clarke, Inner guidance from Soul Concept, Massages at St Rocco’s Hospice, Not to mention all the inspirational books I’ve read and continue to read, playing tennis, training at the gym, catching up with great friends and all of which I couldn’t have done without the help, love and support of my wonderful husband and incredible family. Alongside all of that, my best friend managed to organise the most amazing charity evening and called it The Rainbow Ball to which we raised £13,000 splitting between local charities and a good friend of mine who is raising money for treatment abroad. Apart from my wedding day, I had the best night of my life. It was truly wonderful being surrounded by so many people I love dearly and whom love me right back. Another one is definately on the cards for next year now.
So I can’t say I’m missing the time away from treatment because the gaps have already been filled doing other things. I think the trick now is time management, routine and a little delegation is needed to prevent any future illness. People keep stopping me and congratulating me on getting “THE ALL CLEAR” but I can’t seem to bring myself to say it in case I’m tempting fate. No doctor has actually come out and said “it’s gone.” They’ve just commented on how well I’ve done and said not to come back for 6 months, pat on the back, treatment over, off you go!
So dare I say those 3 words? Well my gut feeling has got me to where I am now. I knew how stressed and ill I was making myself before I was diagnosed, but chose to ignore the signs. Never would I have dreamed the anxiety I lived with would lead to dis-ease, but in my eyes (and my gut feeling) tells me it did. I can now say I know my own body. Never again will I ignore a sign or a symptom as I will listen to my gut feeling or inner wisdom as I now like to call it. So what is my inner wisdom telling me now? I’m no psychic (I wish I was believe me!) but I believe it’s gone! I am cancer free and healthy and happy. And every now and then I get twinges which are probably just all the nerve ending sewing themselves back together after all the trauma, but they make me stop and think, slow down and smile. Life is so precious and they say we only get one shot at it. Well I believe I got 2, and this time round I’m going to try and not only be different but make a difference and most importantly love every minute of it! The future is bright, the future is ALL CLEAR!