So the cancer is still insisting on hanging around in the lymph vessels of my skin. The chemo decided to stop working, the surgeon accidentally left some cancer behind and the radiotherapy will only contain it for so long. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that so far medical intervention hasn’t really been on my side throughout this journey, so this week I’ve finally decided to take back some control of my own body.

Having placed my life in the hands of others, which hasn’t so far gone to plan, it was time I did something about this infuriating illness. I know I have kept a positive attitude throughout, kept up at the gym, played tennis and still carried on my life with some form of normality but I’ve finally decided enough is enough and I needed to do more!

Four, newly purchased books later, I have re-jigged my diet, cut out the wine, upped my supplements and introduced some healing therapies including Reiki and The Healing Codes. I am over half way through the book which describes how the mind and the subconscious can help heal any illness when we relieve ourselves of stress allowing the body’s own immune system to work and so far after 3 sessions I have to say I’m feeling great. However the cancer is still there. How do I know? Because the bloody thing is bright red and prickling me at every opportunity reminding constantly that it’s not gone yet. But my mind is in a better place, a calm place where the cancer thoughts can’t seem to reach so often.

During one of my healing session last week I was told to write my blog from my heart. “Take the lid off and allow people to understand what you are truly feeling” she told me so here goes.

Last week, in turmoil over the cancer still being in my skin and a high risk of it not going, I could only think of death. My death. Fear consumed every cell in my body. Tears flowed with every cancer conversation. I felt lost and alone and scared and frightened, depressed, exhausted, fretful and overwhelmed with the fear I would not be there for my children. My heart ached continually, and then ached some more. I want to be the one who reads to them at night, checks their spelling, and fusses over the paintings and drawings they bring home from school. I want to choose their clothes with them and be the one who takes them on their first shopping spree, first concert, and first make-over party. I just want to be the one! I don’t want to let anyone else kiss them goodnight, wipe their tears and make them better. That’s my job. And that’s just now, at this moment. I also want to see them blossom into beautiful young women and guide them through their lives and choices they make. Me. Me. Me. I want to have an influence. I want to be there. It’s not my time to go.

Well, from the bottom of my heart and what would seem like the depths of despair that was my heart on paper.

However this week I have turned a corner. I have researched, and researched the effects of the mind and I have chosen Jack Stewart to help me on this journey with The Healing Codes. If you think I’m bonkers I don’t care because as I take the lid off my heart now, what’s about to flow out is quite different. I have hope, faith; feel calm and surprisingly happy at this moment in time. I believe I will get better and the cancer, however stubborn it is now, will finally give up the ghost and realise I am stronger than it. I see light at the end of the tunnel and happy times ahead surrounded by lots of people who love me along with my children. Life has a lot planned for me I’m sure and it doesn’t involve cancer.

Throughout this journey this cancer has continued to kick me when I’m down. Not anymore. I will stand tall from now on and hopefully reach new levels to allow me a happy, healthy, cancer free life.

Readers who submit articles must agree to our terms of use. The content is the sole responsibility of the contributor and is unmoderated. But we will react if anything that breaks the rules comes to our attention. If you wish to complain about this article, contact us here