I stopped blogging, not through choice but through circumstance.

Purposely, I’ve been keeping myself busy and my mind preoccupied so as not to slip back into a depressive state.

I could barely function without crying or worrying about the future as I continued to deal with still having cancer after five years.

When was my treatment going to stop working? Was there nothing left for me to take? How would my life end? Would I be in pain?

Music. I needed music for my funeral.

With all these horrible thoughts constantly with me I couldn’t escape, so I had to occupy my mind with something else.

So my life went into overdrive as I went to the gym, hyperbaric chamber, dance lessons, reflexology appointments to name but a few and I became so busy that I had little time for anything else.

But the thoughts were still there only pushed to the back of my mind. In fact the only time they weren’t there was when I was dancing, either because I love it so much or because I was concentrating on what move came next.

My friend Ann knew how hard it was for me to retain information and keep positive so she began sending me positive quotes that I’d read each morning at the start of my day.

That has helped me so much.

Then, not long after this started, my friend Lynsey arranged for me to meet up with her so we could question my thoughts and start working on them to make them better.

Then, just before Christmas, I was approached to be a Clinical Trials ambassador, which I’ve since had an amazing photoshoot and an interview and been filmed.

A few days ago I began to read The Law of Attraction by Ester and Jerry Hicks.

I’ve had a stack of books next to my bed for nearly two years now, browsed through a couple but always chose to play Candy Crush on my iPad as since the brain bleeds, I find it difficult to retain any information that I read so having to reread it again and again and Candy Crush is a tad addictive!

Having a rough idea what the book was about I decided to start reading it. Well I couldn’t put it down!

If you believe in spirituality like I do, you will know the authors well and that is why I chose this version as there are many books written about the law of attraction.

Something deep inside me just resonated with every word.

Just as Ann and Lynsey have been telling me that the mind can heal the body there it was again.

Positivity and loving thoughts create a blissful, emotional response and as the law of attraction states, we create our own circumstances through thoughts initially but it is the emotional feeling we get because of that thought that attracts either good or bad to us.

Easier said than done when you have a life-threatening illness that the doctors have said is no longer curable, hanging over your life.

But an experiment did recently by Lynsey where two small jars had about an inch of boiled rice in them covered with water.

Horrible, nasty words were stuck to one jar and on the other nice, kind, loving words.

After six weeks the jar with the not so nice words on it had a black, green mould on the rice and on the other jar…nothing.

Both were held most days and the words on the jar were repeated. We are made up of something like 75% water so it just shows how we can create badness within the body…but we can also create goodness.

So my quest is to only create positive emotion.

No more negativity as that will only create negative things to happen in my life.

I light up just thinking about my dance lesson with Becci or practising with the kids.

This book came at the right time when I have been engulfed in the belief that the mind can heal the body, along with being a clinical trials ambassador.

Now tell me the law of attraction isn’t true. So I’ve started blogging again to share what I am learning and feeling and hopefully I’ll be feeling positive a lot longer.