It’s that time of year again when I start to feel a little sentimental and teary over the little things in life that mean so much.  Because now I can finally see them, all the little things that I never acknowledged before, being too busy working or caught in one drama or another and reeling in stress instead of happiness.  You see my friend Ian told me recently that life is like an empty glass and what we choose to fill it up with is up to us.  If it’s overflowing with sadness, fear, stress and anxiety then there’s no room for happiness, love, calm and serenity.  I know which ones I would prefer in my glass, accompanied with a splash of Merlot, and right now is the perfect time to focus on them.
After a trip to Lapland I realised I had so much fun I didn’t think of the C word for over 3 days.  It wasn’t with me morning, noon and night but replaced with the most magical experience I have ever encountered, riding in a sleigh with husky dogs and reindeer rides through the forest.  Carl and I got just as much from the trip as the kids did, sledging in the snow and meeting the real Big Man himself.  Lapland memories were made over 3 days and yet they will last forever.
As you know I have many up days and many down days and when I’m up I don’t sit there thinking of ways to bring me down… I just leave that to the doctors as I was recently told “Chemo is only keeping the disease contained, it’s not going to cure you.”  But it’s at times like these, after allowing the words to sink in and what they may imply, that I have to find ways to scrape myself up off the floor again and my Lapland memories are just the trick.  Lapland made me realise again how precious life is and why put off till tomorrow what you can do today!  Memories are what we choose to make ourselves and whether it be inviting friends round for laughs, trips out and magical moments with your family, each one is down to the effort we put in to making them the most memorable of all.  And whilst in the process of making them, bad times are forgotten, if only for a short time, tipping the glass with more happiness than anything else, which can only be a good thing and enlighten your life.
So December for me included a Peter Pan pantomime, a trip to Lapland, watching my kids in a nativity play where Lois played Mary and I wept like a baby, but with pride more than anything and of course I am more than looking forward to the Big Day itself where more magical moments will be created, and hopefully put onto a dvd to remind me of one of the many ‘best times’ in my life.
In January I have chosen to take a trip alone to Brazil to see a spiritual healer (as I like to call him)  as he renowned for creating miracles and curing the sick and the dying so I am hoping for a small miracle myself.  Whether he cures me or whether he just contributes to my healing process, I know this will be a journey that will ultimately change my life and hopefully bring some clarity and faith that no matter what the doctors say, I am going to get better.  If I listen to stories of women that have had inflammatory breast cancer I will die like so many have, so I have closed that chapter of my life and I believe that there is a miracle around the corner just waiting for me.
My positive one minute, negative the next, surgeon has booked me in for surgery in February to which, again, I will place my life in his hands.  “It’s your only hope of a cure” HOORAY!!! “But we cannot guarantee of clear margins which may then spread the disease further” BOO!!!!  Glass half full…glass knocked off the table and smashed on the floor!
So I’ll get a new glass and continue to fill it to the brim with all the many wonderful things I can think of doing whether I’m here for a long time or a short time and I’ll create the memories that I want my life to be filled with and that make me smile. So I will put my operation to the back of my mind and focus on having a wonderful time over Christmas and the New Year.  I will celebrate with friends and probably sob a little on Christmas day when I see my gorgeous girl’s faces light up when they realise “He’s been!!!”  But I will smile and be thankful that I’m still here to share it with all the people I love more than anything else in the world.  What will you focus on this Christmas?  Whatever you choose, smile, create memories worth remembering and fill your glass up to the brim with whatever is your favourite tipple.  I know what mine is…Life xxxx Merry Christmas to all my wonderful family and friends and Facebook supporters.  I am forever grateful for your love and support. xxxx