IT still hurts. It shouldn’t, but it does and I’m mad at myself for being in this position.

Because I had a foolproof plan to protect myself from disappointment.

As is my default mindset ahead of any tournament involving England, I convinced myself from the beginning that we never stood a chance.

I bought wholeheartedly into the Antipodean propaganda, that the Aussies and Kiwis with their teams dripping in star quality from the NRL, were a league above.

That regardless of how well England played they were never going to trouble New Zealand, let alone get the chance of testing the Kangaroos at Old Trafford.

It was cynical and negative but it was working quite brilliantly, if I do say so myself.

I scoffed at England’s capitulation against Italy, nodded sagely as Australia fought back, raised an apathetic eyebrow to the hammering of Ireland and watched unmoved as they blundered their way past Fiji and France, each week getting closer to the game at which I knew they would stumble.

Yes, I had missed out on a little excitement, but dreams that do not exist cannot be shattered.

However, the sporting gods are wily, they know that the best matches have an unnerving knack of engaging even the most emotionally detached.

And so, with 70-odd minutes gone in England’s epic Wembley semi final, my carefully constructed emotional shield slipped.

England had impressed me so much that I let myself believe.

Only then did fate deliver the blow I had so desperately tried to avoid, the wall of white crumbled and I was left with my head in my hands like everyone else.

After wallowing for a while, I realised it wasn’t all that bad.

Should England be pleased that they came within seconds of a World Cup final? Absolutely not, the coaches and players will surely feel they should be lining up against Australia and at the very least that pain and frustration should be used as inspiration for the next tournament.

But we should be immensely proud of our 17 Wembley warriors, who stood up magnificently under pressure.

They made me believe in English rugby league again, even if it was just for seven-and -a-half minutes.