Report as submitted by Warrington Rugby Union Club
Chester u17 0 Warrington u17 27
AND so it came to pass that on the 16th day of December King Raging Bull summoned the young men of Warrington to the Roman city of Chester to wage battle against the sons of its city and reinforcements from the neighbouring Celtic nation.
They travelled west following a bright star in red, white and black chariots crafted in Germania and Gaul (and JC's Mondeo) to arrive at a coliseum recently struck by a great flood which had rendered the ground into a bog.
Verily the battle commenced with the forces of Wire laying siege against the Romans with war-like zeal and stout heart.
And as the sundial reached XII - XXXVIII Harry Gagen did pierce the Chester defences and scoreth the first try.
Then descendeth a great miasma thrown up by the boggy ground as both armies fought toe to toe on the muddy field.
Although the generals of both sides issued words of great wisdom, from the safety of the sidelines, these words felleth on deaf ears as the captains and lieutenants from the all conquering Warrington sent their troops up blind alleys where they were punished severely by a dark god....
Before the battle halted midway for respite Jack of Grey ran strongly and scoreth another fine try followed by a conversion by Jacob, son of Steven.
Half time 0-12
Act 2 followed the same pattern as Act 1.
Warrington attacked with ferocity but lacked the craft and guile in the final execution of their battle strategy to make the scoreboard ticketh over!
The Romans sent a mighty warrior from Sale into the affray who did stealeth the ball from Warrington to the great displeasure of Conrad of Morris who tore at his hair and muttered dark words.
But lo, up steppeth Sam Roberts who jinketh left, right and left again to cross the Romans' line once more. Jacob, son of Steven, letteth rip a kick not once but twice to add a conversion and a penalty.
The Romans, having taken many wounds, were reduced to fighting with a weakened army and were so fatigued that they could push no more.
As a Chester foot soldier sacrificed himself the dark god waveth a card of yellow which did so vex one of the wise men of Chester that he ranted, blasphemed and spoke in tongues and the dark god banished him to the stands!
As the sun set and the cock crowed once more up strutted the Harry Gagen and his winged feet speddeth to the corner for another try but only after the dark god had issued another card of yellow to Sam Roberts for reasons we know not.
The game endeth 0-27.
King Raging Bull was pleased and God smiled sweetly in his heaven over Stockton Heath.
Playeth 11, Winneth 11. Make merry over the Christmas festivities for in 2013 we unleash hell!!