The CKTV Soap Awards

10:41am Thursday 15th May 2008

THE great and good have handed out the gongs at the British Soap Awards, so now it's time for CKTV to have its say.

Here are the CKTV Soap Awards 2008: They Should Have Gone To Specsavers Award - This goes to the whole cast of Coronation Street (and Audrey Roberts in particular) for failing to notice over several episodes that Maria's baby bump had disappeared.

Excuse Me, Do You Have A Brain Award - Corrie's Tina picks up this trophy for imagining demonic David Platt is good boyfriend material.

Mutton Dressed As Lamb Award - EastEnders terminally tarty Roxy was way out in front for this one.

Same Name, Same Character, Different Soap Award - Clare Bates, Clare Cunningham, gold-digging hussy - EastEnders carried on where Hollyoaks left off.

Karma Strikes Award - EastEnders former slum landlord turned goofy loser Minty is the recipient. Marriage to the annoying - and not funny - Heather is true retribution for his past transgressions.

Family From Hell Award - If Ian Beale is such a good father, why has his parenting resulted in the production of psycho Steven, sulky runaway Lucy, wide-eyed Peter (who will no doubt have a crisis very soon) and poor little Bobby, who is often passed around like a parcel at a party? Even so, the award goes to Bianca's brood - no explanation required!

Deluded Sister of the Year Award - Winner is EastEnders Dawn Swann, who thinks Mickey is a catch. In what universe?

Finally, the Most Annoying Character in Soap Award goes to Corrie's Claire Peacock with her patronising manner and eminently slappable face. I almost feel sorry for Ashley - almost!