FOR Holly Hamer, art is not just an outlet for her creativity – it is about making sense of a disease that she thought would kill her.

The 19-year-old from Grappenhall has turned her battle with a rare and aggressive form of cancer called rhabdomyosarcoma into a collection of paintings and drawings.

Holly's first exhibition at Warrington Museum, Looking from the Inside Out, explores aspects of her illness including how her body and mindset has changed and her lack of control.

Now, having successfully battled the disease – which affected the connective tissues in her body – for a second time, she says her artwork has helped with her recovery and has given her a feeling of empowerment.

Holly has created about 40 paintings and drawings since her first diagnosis on December 6, 2013.

At first doctors thought it was an abscess and Holly endured three operations before they realised it was cancer.

The former Lymm High School pupil said: "When I was first diagnosed I was 17 and all I can remember thinking is it’s not fair. At that stage they couldn’t tell me if I was going to make it or not.

"I really believed I was going to die but I was determined to stay positive as I felt that would help me and my family deal with it."

Another way that Holly dealt with the terrifying and life-changing news was by signing back up to AS level art at Sir John Deane’s College in Northwich after previously dropping out.

She has used art since as an outlet for her emotions and has persevered with her creations despite battling illness, pain, fear and exhaustion.

The Cliff Lane resident added: "This is the first body of work I’ve done that is based on a lot of things I wouldn’t tell most people because it is really personal to me.

"I’ve got about my colostomy bag, my scars and all the side effects I had from radiotherapy.

"I’ve never expressed my own pain and emotion in that kind of way before.

"People who have looked at my paintings online say that it has helped them understand that they are not alone.

"It is also been quite scary putting my work out there and letting people decide if they like or not when it is something so personal.

"But I love all the great feedback I have had and it makes me feel proud of myself. It’s been pretty wonderful to be honest.

"They love the fact I’ve been able to carry on doing artwork even though I’ve been ill.

"My favourite artist is Rahiem Milton in Miami and he inspires but he also says I inspire him because he doesn’t know how I’ve managed to keep up with doing art when treatment takes it out of you."

Initially Holly was in hospital for two months and then had eight months of intense chemotherapy and six weeks of radiotherapy before a year of maintenance treatment.

The way Holly's family reacted also helped her pull through.

She said: "When I was first diagnosed my twin brother Matthew shaved his head so I wasn’t the first one to go bald.

"I had long hair so at first it was a big thing for me. Then my sister Beth shaved her head and raised money for the Christie Hospital where I’m treated."

Her dad Martin and mum Julia have also been with her every step of the way and they were all devastated when the cancer came back on October 8, 2015 – on Holly's mum's birthday.

Some of the themes in the exhibition explore some of the hardest things Holly has been through.

She added: "Having a colostomy bag has really knocked my confidence as people associate it with elderly people.

"I’ve had to deal with a lot of pain as well as headaches, fatigue and vomiting. You just feel so unwell.

"I can’t have kids now. I’m infertile as I was too far along for them to save any eggs and my womb has been destroyed. That has probably been the hardest thing.

"I get this pain in my joints and that’s a big thing too. Some people think you just lose your hair. People realise it’s hard but I don’t think they realise how hard it is."

Altogether the former St Wilfrid's CE Primary School has had 14 rounds of intense treatment and on July 22 her scan results were clear again. She is cautiously optimistic.

She said: "I feel positive and I feel I’m going to be able to live my life. I can’t always be sure but I appreciate things so much more now.

"I have my down days but looking at the beauty in the world helps.

"It would be nice for people seeing the exhibition to understand what has been going on with me for the past few years and that there is more to the illness.

"Also I want people to see the beauty in cancer because a lot of cancer patients say there are ‘cancer perks’.

"I think there are. It makes you have a more positive mind frame and it makes you realise who your true family and friends are who will care for you and support you.

"I don’t want people to not only see the bad things about treatment but the good things that can happen as well.

"Some of them may have to go through this themselves.

"People can have arguments about the silliest of things. I used to take things for granted and get annoyed over the little things and it’s only when you go through something like this that it changes your outlook."

- Looking from the Inside Out is at Warrington Museum until September You can also view Holly's work on her Instagram page at instagram.com/hollyhamertbo

DAVID MORGAN