Put down that power tool and nobody will get hurt

12:46pm Thursday 6th March 2008

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BEING dad to two young children and having a busy job leaves you with little time for DIY around the house.

Mind you, I'm not the most gifted in that department. When it comes to handling power drills, putting up shelves or erecting garden buildings I'm distinctly special needs.

The last time I decorated, representatives from Dulux, B&Q and Homebase acquired a court order to enter my house.

They sent round bailiffs who forcibly removed me from the wobbly tin ladders under my feet, prised the paint brush with splayed bristles from my grip, and cut the plug off my orbital sander. For my own safety, apparently.

I appealed, but the judge laughed it out of court. It's there on the statute book if you care to look, under Crown (Paints) v Craddock. I think it's filed away next to the case of the compulsive gambler who tried suing bookies William Hill for letting him lose £2m.

That's fine. I'm awful at DIY. There's no shame in that. If you want words arranging in a pleasing order, I'm your man. But hand me a nail gun and I'll seriously maim the cat.

Not to worry. There's always someone out there who will do the job in return for a bob or two. It's a win-win situation -- I don't spend a month of weekends chasing paint drips around a wall with a roller, and someone else gets to feed his family.

Better get back to work. Need to earn some pennies to pay for those jobs.