Why can't I forget my ex-husband? (From Warrington Guardian)

Why can't I forget my ex-husband?

After a very bad divorce and child custody battle three years ago, me and my daughter have found normal life, and I have met the kindest and mildest mannered man I have ever met in my life.

We got engaged at Christmas. Why is it I can never forget the hurt and betrayal of my ex-husband? Why does he haunt my dreams? Why can't I forget him? Why does it still tear me apart? When I am alone I just fall apart and cry until I get it together again. Please help.

Sue Jones, Skelmersdale

Dear Sue, You just need to face things instead of fighting them away. I have been through quite a few things in my life, and when I least expect them they hit me straight back and sit there wondering why I have to go through it again and again.

It's the healing process you see. I have sat there a couple of times and prepared my self and thought of the things that have passed that hurt and it just does not feel the same when it hits me side on, when I am not prepared.

When you dream about it you are a different person altogether. I am not saying it's easier but it can look bigger than it was, or even smaller. You just need to take control, when you dream of your situation, when you wake up try and work out what sparked the dream off.

I do this all the time. You will find during the day you would have given the battle, you've been having a small thought and then forgot, that small thought will trigger your dream. I read a book years ago about how to control dreams. It helped me so much that I can now wake up in the middle of the night, walk around and get back in bed and start the dream all over again but this time finish it how I want - not how anyone else wants it to finish.

Also if you're feeling tired everything will seem bigger than it really is so when you start thinking about your problems and it starts to overwhelm you. Say to yourself am I tired, that way they say try and sleep on it. I tend to meditate my problems away. I guarantee if you do some of the things that I have said, you will be ok.